


Before You Know It

by thelittlestbird



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Bechdel Test Pass, Gen, Implied Janet/Jason, Season/Series 02 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 17:23:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13128249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittlestbird/pseuds/thelittlestbird
Summary: Janet is always here to help, even when she doesn't understand why. [Set during S2 Ep 1; contains spoilers for that episode, the S1 finale, and S2 Ep 6-7.]





	Before You Know It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lanyon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanyon/gifts).



“Fork it all! How do I work this coffeemaker?”

“Hi! I’m Janet.”

“Holy shirt!” Eleanor jumped. “What the fork are you doing in my house?”

“I’m Janet,” Janet repeated.

“You say that like it’s supposed to explain things.”

“I’m here to help,” Janet said, actually explaining this time. “I am a repository of all knowledge and information about the Earth and the Good Place.” 

“Okay, fine. So you know how to work this – this – coffeemaker thing?”

“Oh, yes,” Janet said cheerfully. “I know how to work all appliances. This is the Venti 3000, made for just one year by Venticorp before they went out of business. Something to do with people getting confused between the settings for self-cleaning, milk-frothing, and burglar alarm.”

“Who the fork puts a burglar alarm on a coffeemaker!” Eleanor grumbled. 

“Venticorp,” Janet answered helpfully.

“Shouldn’t the burglar alarm have caught you?”

“Oh, no, I’m not a burglar. I’m Janet.”

“You keep saying that!”

“I’m here to help.”

“You keep saying that, too!”

“Anyway, we gave you a Venti 3000 coffeemaker because Michael said that it was your favorite. You had one in your office in Ukraine when you were there working with the orphans. Don’t you remember?”

“Oh!” Eleanor said, as if just remembering something. “Oh, yeah, I remember. I totally remember. Of course I know how to work it. I, uh, just wanted to know if you did.”

“I know everything,” Janet said matter-of-factly.

Eleanor smirked. “Not _everything_.”

 

* * *

“Hi! I’m Janet.”

“Holy shirt!” Eleanor jumped. “What the fork are you doing in my house?”

Janet felt as if she’d had this conversation before. 

But that was impossible, since Michael had only just taken her from the warehouse. And also, since time didn’t really have any meaning for her. How could it, when she lived in a featureless void and could experience centuries’ worth of history in the blink of an eye. (The left one. Blinking her right eye computed numerical data. Or sometimes it made jalapeno poppers materialize. She was still getting the hang of that.)

“I’m here to help,” Janet explained. “I am a repository of all knowledge and information about the Earth and the Good Place.” 

Eleanor stared skeptically at Janet. “Okay. So does that mean that you know how to work this coffeemaker?”

“Of course!” Janet said cheerfully.

“Finally, something goes right around here!”

“Everything should be going right,” Janet said, poking her finger into the coffeemaker. “This is the Good Place.”

 

* * *  
“You need help with your coffeemaker, right?”

“Holy shirt!” Eleanor jumped. “What the fork are you doing in my house? And…how did you know I needed help?”

“I know everything,” Janet explained matter-of-factly. 

That must have been why she got assigned to Michael, Janet realized. It was his first Neighborhood, and he needed an experienced Janet to help. She had to be very experienced if she could know that one of the Residents needed answers even before the Resident asked the question. 

But if she had so much experience, why couldn’t she remember anything that had happened before yesterday?

“Seriously?” Eleanor put down the bag of coffee beans (that she hadn’t yet realized was decaf) and turned to face Janet. “You know _everything_?”

“Sure!” 

“So is this soulmate thing real?”

“Absolutely! Everyone in the Good Place is matched with their perfect soulmate.”

“So it knows who we’re supposed to be with? I’m supposed to be with Chidi and Tahani is supposed to be with Jianyu?”

“That’s right!” 

Something about this conversation made Janet feel odd, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. So she put her finger on the coffeemaker instead, and smiled as it whirred to life.

 

* * *  
“Tahani!” Eleanor shouted to her soulmate on their first morning together. “How the fork do you work this coffeemaker?!”

“Language, darling!” Tahani trilled from the bedroom. 

“What, do you want me to say it in French instead?” Eleanor grumbled. “Voulez-vous workez le coffeemaker?”

“Actually,” said Janet, appearing in front of Eleanor. “that would be _Comment est-ce qu’on faire le café?_ ”

“Holy shirt!” Eleanor jumped. “What the fork are you doing in my house?”

“I’m Janet,” Janet answered.

“What the fork is that supposed to mean?”

“You haven’t met Janet yet?” Tahani swept out, her hair perfectly cascading over her perfect shoulders. “She’s the artificial intelligence who helps Michael take care of the Neighborhood. You just have to call her, and she’ll come answer any question that you might have.”

“Hi, Tahani!” Janet said cheerfully. Something about seeing Tahani in Eleanor’s house made Janet feel extra cheerful. Or would, if Janet could have emotions. She was created with a permanent expression of chipper calm, but didn’t actually feel that way. 

But she did feel that way. She did feel.

“Great,” Eleanor snorted. “Tahani’s made friends with everyone before I have, even the robots.”

“Not a robot,” Janet pointed out cheerfully.

“Whatever. Can you work the coffeemaker?”

“Of course!” She reached out to poke her finger into the Venti 3000, right where she always did.

Always? No. That couldn’t be it. There couldn’t be an ‘always’ when this was the first time she’d been here. And what did time mean, anyway?

The coffeemaker whirred to life. “Hurrah!” Tahani cried. “I’ll make the scones.”

 

* * *

“The forking coffeemaker doesn’t even work?” Eleanor slammed her hand against the side of the Venti 3000. 

“Hi!” Janet began. “I’m – “

Eleanor smacked the coffeemaker again. “How the fork can this be the Good Place if they give me a forked-up coffeemaker like this?”

“Damn!” Michael grumbled. “That was too close! Janet, come back. We’re trying again.”

Janet felt a tug, and then a rushing sensation, and then a great burst of light that swallowed her whole world.

* * *

“How the fork does – “

“That’s a Venti 3000,” said Janet. “You work it like this.”

Eleanor gaped. “How did you do that? And – wait, what the fork are you doing in my house?”

“I’m here to help,” Janet said, the way she always did. “I’ll have everything working before you know it. And if I don’t, you can always try again.”

“Try again?” Eleanor repeated. “Who are you? What the fork does any of that mean?”

“Did she just say ‘try again?’” came Michael’s voice from somewhere far away. “Did _Janet_ just say that? Oh, _shirt_.”

The world went blank again. 

* * * 

"Hi, Janet. I'm Michael. I need your help. Again."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your prompt! It was a ton of fun to figure out what Janet might have been doing in all of the reboots, and to trace her growth. Thanks also for pinch-hitting - you've helped the Yuletide community a lot!


End file.
